I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
