I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
