so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
