Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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