I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
two words...techno handjob
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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