You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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