We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize