Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I want her autograph on my taint
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
