wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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