Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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