Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've blown a few things in my day
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
