Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just google imaged poop.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
love makes seman taste better
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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