I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
