i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
