just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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