If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
