Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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