forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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