I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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