Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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