I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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