If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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