It's Friday. Sex?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
