we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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