She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I am available for nakedness
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
