dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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