I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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