So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
