I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
