Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
