??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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