Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
