A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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