Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
