she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
