Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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