laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
