I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
