Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
