someone get that fucking seahorse.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Randomize
