The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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