matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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