we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
