I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
