she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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