Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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