I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
