i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
