You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
