Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
