I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
