Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
