the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
