Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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