Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
