fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
