matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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