How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
