I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
