Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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