did you get engaged???
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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