A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
