dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
