my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
