Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize
