You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
