You work out of a Hotel?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
