I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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