You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
