Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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